Where do I begin??

No really, how the hell do I begin to tell people that I know how much of a failure that I am?  Just traditionally, you know, in the eyes of society.  I feel like I'm in a constant state of winning, but I have to admit that I am baffled by the opposite sex.

I feel like I should stop and give you a couple of disclaimers.  Those who know me best, know that I am the sweetest, nicest, goofiest and most laid back person that has ever lived, in a way.  I am very sarcastic.  I am a little abrupt.  My filter doesn't always work like it's supposed to.  I am a realist, extremely optimistic, and a tad wistful.  I curse.  I am pretty racist--not in a discriminatory way. (Lord knows I don't discriminate!)  But, I am well aware of differences.  I laugh inappropriately.  These are some of my best qualities guys. 

Ok, so dilemna.....

I can't get a man.  Don't scoff, I'm not a gremlin--not a supermodel. (I like to think more towards the supermodel side.)

I can get dates...I just can't successfully trap one of them. 

I don't mean it like that, well not completely like that. 

I'm 30, and have no idea how I'm ever going to get any further than single.  I mean, I kind of want to get married too in a way.  I don't feel anxious about it, just a little out of place.  I have friends that have been married for years.  They say it like that too, "fooorrrrrrr yeeeeeears."  Elongated and accentuated like they're trying to point out my failure. 

I know I'm a little behind the curve. 

Let me let you in on a little secret.  I am TERRIBLE at dating.  I blame society for putting these lofty expectations on me.  Why do you think I'm supposed to be good at this?  And to top it all off, all the advice out there is wrong and lopsided, too much bad advice in the wrong areas and not enough good advice or positive reinforcement.  Can I get a bowl of brownie batter when I do something right or not offend anyone?  I bet I would do better. 

I am not here to give advice, or even get it.  I am here to tell you what I do and what happens as a result.  I am here to connect with someone as awkward as I am, and hopefully make them laugh.  Or connect with someone who gets it, and hopefully make them laugh too. 

I am here to laugh at myself. 

Where do I go from here? 

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