Don't get it, never will..Simple Suggestions On How Not To Date..

Since I have started this blog, people constantly feel the need to tell me about myself.  The most resounding complaint is that I am always talking shit about the men out here in the world.  Yes, I do, but I don't make these things up.  For every 2 men that come up to me and feel like I have gone in on them, I have 11 females high-fiving me telling me how real the shit is that I post here.  If you feel a certain type of way about the shit that I post, ask yourself why before you go ham sandwich on me.  Pause:  Speaking of ham sandwich (yes, I'm hungry), I recently learned that #75 went all the way in on me and my homie on his FB page because he finally read the post that included him (say what you want about me--leave my friends out of it).  He was mad Bro!  I don't really care what was said; he's a non-factor in life...period.  I say this only to illustrate the fact that if you don't want to get talked about negatively, do better.  ...

Why do we do it to ourselves ladies (and gentlemen for that matter)? Why do we set ourselves up to get hurt?  To fall for the okie doke?  To be bamboozled, hoodwinked, and flat out fooled? Why do we even fall for these silly men (and women)? Pause:  I don't want this post to sound like the angry black woman in me venting about how there are no good men in the world.  I, myself, have run into some great ones.  This post is about the wrong ones that we can't seem to leave alone.  Love is a complex emotion to say the least.  I'm going to try to leave love out of this equation that I'm about to create for two reason:  1. Love has to run it's course (we decide how long the course is).  2. Someone who loves another person cannot be reasoned with and I'm not about to try.  But as far as these crushes are concerned, y'all hoes better start listening.  Some of these men are all wrong.  Let's start with men in other re...

Internet dating has been a fun ride for me.  I can't say that I would suggest it; it requires more patience than I can afford lately.  It is, however, a great conversation piece.  So I got on the website called Plenty of Fish.  The premise behind the website is that their are plenty of fish in your area.  I'm still on there if anyone would like to look me up.  I probably won't date you though.  Pause:  I didn't get on the site strictly for blog material.  I got on their to get a date.  This was right after my elimination of the Starting Five.  I was well aware of what I was getting myself into, though (I thought).  Within mere hours of posting a few pictures of myself and a simple profile, my inbox was boasting more than 50 messages.  It was overwhelming--in a bad way.  Men are aggressive in person, they are down-right raunchy over the internet.  I have had more offers for dick from ugly people in 2 ...

I am a grown ass woman, and in some ways, very old fashioned.  I believe that children are children and adults are adults.  Short of putting my hands on someone else's child, I believe that children should be watched and disciplined if necessary.  If my kids are out in public and misbehaving, I would expect someone to say something to them, and, at bare minimum, say something to me about what happened.  It takes a village to raise a child.  Keep all that in mind.  I also come from a time (or maybe just a long drawn out relationship) where the new woman never liked the old one.  The hate was automatic.  In hindsight, I think it was a way of posturing.  Letting the old woman know, "I am here now!  I am his woman now!  I am breaking news, and you are the yesterday's sales ads!"  I blame mass media and the times for this.  Movies like Love and Basketball , Love Jones , The Wood , and even further back like Boomerang...

This blog post comes from a conversation that I had with another female.  She asked me if I would consider myself bisexual.  I started this blog because I wanted to prove that the situations that I go through are not uncommon.  I wanted you guys to laugh.  I want to be unafraid and unashamed.  Here goes nothing.  This is the story about #101--my first female conquest.  Pause:  I am not about to make this pornographic.  So to all of my male readers, put the lotion away and get your hands out of your pants.  I think women are attractive--beautiful even.  While a committed relationship with a woman doesn't appeal to me, a woman's body does. Pause:  Women are emotional creatures by nature.  I can't even stand my own damn emotions half the time.  I sure as hell don't want some other emotional ass broad trying to be with me.  I have seen women that I want to touch or maybe just let my imagination run circ...

I make every effort to not lie to my kids.  I think that when it comes to dating, lies pour like vodka in my cup.  Pause:  For those of you scoffing because I'm talking about vodka in the same sentence as my children at 930 in the morning, go to hell.  I don't like for my kids to know that I am dating unless it actually affects them--I can't think of too many situations where they will be or were actually affected.  Unless I am moving in or bringing someone special around them, they don't need to know what I do when I leave the house at night or with whom I am doing it.  Even if they happen to catch me with someone that I am dating, I have enough male friends to disguise the fact that this is someone with whom I may be intimate.  The word of the day is "friend."  My daughter is oblivious; my son is a little more receptive to the chemistry between me and someone else.  Remember this--it will be important. Now I have dated som...

Crunch and munch was a term we used back in high school to refer to cunnilingus.  It's funny how this applies today.  This is the story of #12, and how he tried to chew my clitoris off!  I'm never too old for a lesson.  I always like to say something nice about the numbers because I wouldn't be talking to them if they didn't have some admirable qualities.  For what it's worth, #12 was one of the sweetest guys that I have dated recently.  He is valiant, courteous, and very respectable.  He's sweet, thoughtful, and was very willing to give time.  He buys flowers ladies, for no reason (awesome). He will make someone extremely happy.  As long as she doesn't like to kiss or receive oral sex.  This is another case of "the younger man," or at least some variation of it.  Pause:  I will never learn.  I really try not to make age an issue, but shit like this always happens.  Age is about to become an issue. New Rul...

I've stayed away from this topic for a couple of reasons.  Primarily, my children aren't involved in my dating very much.  They almost never meet the men that I am dating/sleeping with.  I mean, for what?  Most of them don't last long enough for me to even mention them to the kids, let alone lay eyes on them.  Nonetheless, the children do exist, and honestly they complicate the situation.  A relationship, a real one, comes with strings and attachments.  I am the equivalent of a package deal.  I don't have a problem with it, but I can see why and how men do.  That's not what I'm here to talk about today though. I'm here to talk about the shenanigans that I have had to endure in my 5 years of singality and the bitchassedness that I have to endure with #29.  At the risk of sounding conceited, I was the best thing that ever happened to #29.  He spent a lot of time trying to get me back.  Pause:  I really don't give t...