Too pretty to be single..

What the hell does that mean anyways?

Are the ugly more plausibly single?

I hear this all the time.  I hear it from the old people at work, especially the ladies trying to hook me up with their sons or grandsons.  Do you know how many nephews and great nephews, etc. I have been introduced to?  What is wrong with these people?  I can't possibly look good in scrubs, they're not flattering. 

I hear it from the men that hit on me (this is a common line used to test the waters).  "You have got to be taken."  Really?  Why is that?  Because I'm cute?

Pause:   I feel like I need to prove myself to those who may not know me personally.  I am not ugly!  Solid 8 on a 10 scale, maybe a 9 on a good day.  Well don't just take my word for it. 

 
 
 
I wouldn't lie to you. 
 
This whole "too pretty to be single" thing drives me crazy.  People often look at me dumbfounded when I tell them my relation status.  "I date," I chime in.  I feel judged; like in an instant, I have gone from the pretty girl to the "probably crazy" pretty girl.  Or the "she must be stupid" pretty girl. 
 
I feel as though I have to defend myself as soon as I say that I'm single--I have to offer a valid explanation.  Over the past few years, I have fabricated several rationalizations to explain my singality (yes, I made that word up because it sounds more like a diagnosis).
 
"I'm too busy for a relationship."  This is partly true.  Men take time, effort, training, and attention like puppies.  I don't always have patience for this. 
 
"I just got out of a relationship."  Almost true.  I mean "just" is such a relative term.  4 years is recent right?  I'm still healing.  (crock)
 
"I'm gay!"  I use this one to see the expression on people's faces (hilarious). 
 
Disclaimer:  If I am ever out with one of my female friends, and I decide to use the gay excuse, one of my female friends becomes my lesbian lover automatically.  Play along.  Fair warning. 
 
"I'm a virgin and scared of men."  I haven't actually used this one yet--waiting for the right moment. 
 
I suppose that I could tell the truth.
 
I fail at relationships.  I'm not good at them at all.  Men are idiots.  I'm an idiot.  I fall for the wrong men.  Most times, I don't fall at all.
 
It's absurd.
 
To all of my married friends:  Enjoy society's acceptance of your relationship status.  You say you're married and introduce your husband and 2.5 kids, and everyone nods in approval.  It's perfectly natural, common to be in a marriage, even unhappily. 
 
I get the "bless her heart" nod, and the counselor look.  You know the look.  The one where they wait for the gauntlet to drop.  The look where they're half waiting for an explanation or some elaborate story.  I hate counselors. 
 
I got nothing--*blank stare*

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