Taboo..

I like to think of myself as an equal opportunity employer actively accepting applications for an unfilled position. 

All can apply, even the white boys. 

This makes 75% of my black friends crazy.

Pause:  Crazy with curiosity, I think.  They always ask if it's really pink, like on the pornos.  Yes, yes it is.

They turn their faces upside down and ask me how I could possibly be attracted to a white dude. 

My response, "Well I really think it's the same except the white dudes worship the ground I walk on, respect me, pay for everything, have better jobs, better credit, and give great head." (I like to throw that last part in for shits and giggles.  I have, however, found it to be mostly true in my experience.  Some of them have numbers too--don't worry, I'm getting there).

I went to a predominantly white high school (there were about 500 in my graduating class--8 of us were black).  I love white people--I'm used to them.  There were white boys everywhere growing up, maybe that's why I was uninterested in them back then.  Plus thugs were in, who could resist a thug back in the day?

I was 19 and in another city before I gave it a whirl.  Enter #92, conservative, Republican white guy whose parents disliked black people. 

Great!  I love a challenge! (sarcasm)

I think he just wanted to dabble on the dark side--you know, taste a little brown sugar.  I wanted to learn this city, get shown around and maybe shown off.  

I made it clear that in order to get what he wanted, I was going to have to get what I wanted.  So he took the necessary steps to get some ass.  We went out to a couple of restaurants and a couple of movies. 

I guess I never noticed how #92 was very affectionate toward me behind closed doors when his parents were gone of course and a bit standoffish in public.  Perhaps I didn't notice because I didn't really want to be affectionate with him.  He was a means to meet more people.  I was a means to a new experience.  We never discussed it out loud but boundaries and purpose were clear. 

Until one afternoon matinee.........

Pause:  I'm about 5'10"; he was about 5'7".  I attract short men. 

He looked at me as we headed in the theatre and said, "Everyone is staring at us."  I looked around confused, half expected to see someone pointing and laughing.  I didn't even see anyone looking at us, let alone staring.  He went on, "because you're black and I'm white."  If anyone was looking I would like to think that it was because he looked like a pale midget next to me, my long, lost white little brother.  I'm just saying. 

Well this is new.  I haven't been stared at for being black in well...ever. 

Dating folly:  Dating a man not confident and comfortable in his own skin, or standing next to my brown skin confidence dripping from my pores. 

Paranoia is a bitch #92.

It hit me.  Being black and out in public with him was a problem.  He was afraid of being seen by anyone he knew.  It was taboo. 

I don't remember the movie we saw that day or any other day for that matter.  I don't remember what he looked like, but I know I wasn't exceptionally attracted to him.  All I remember is that I left him and his racism standing in the driveway, while I blew a kiss to him and waved emphatically to his parents for no other reason except to see the shocked and shaken looks on their faces--all of them. 

Conclusion:  #92 never got any brown sugar.  I learned the city on my own.