Infamous..

This is the story about #4.

Those who know me best know that I fell in love for the first time when I was about 14.  I didn't know anything about myself yet, so I fell in love based on appearance and "gut feelings."

His cousin (nice body), #3, was the one who actually got my number.  What?! Closed mouths don't get fed.  It ended pretty quickly (you ever notice how most relationships end before pivotal days like birthdays or Valentine's Day?  Men are assholes, strategic assholes). 

So I spent the next 13 years of my life being head over heels in love with this man.  I always appreciated the fact that he never took advantage of my weakness for him.  It was pure, innocent and real.  As I got older and in relationships and those relationships became more complex, I thought I was holding on to a pleasant memory skewed by time.  Until I saw him again.  In fact, every time I see him, my stomach drops and my mouth goes dry. 

He holds a position that no one else will ever hold in my life--my first love. 

We grew and matured, but the love was always there.  This is the type of shit people write poetry about.  I know I did.  Honestly, I still do. 

I'm not very emotional anymore.  Don't worry, I'm not a sociopath.  The years, though, have worn down my emotional involvement with life and increased my alcohol intake. 

I'm not bitter.  No, really.  I'm not. 

It's all a learning experience. 

I simply appreciate the fact that it all happened, that I loved him once, and he loved me.

I'm not looking for that kind of love anymore.  It's too strong, too encompassing.  I'm not really looking for anything out there anymore, not specifically anyways. 

I find much solace, however, in the fact that this proves that it's possible for me too.  It's happened.  Even if it never happens again, I have at least "loved and lost". 

To #4, you know who you are if you're reading (I hope you're reading).  This was a ploy to tell everyone about the impact falling in love has on someone like me (and there's only one like me), especially if it's for the first time.  I'm glad it was you.

I'm glad it was me. 

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