The Whole Truth..
I just fell upon a very interesting conversation. Someone posed a question: Is not telling the entire story the same as lying in a relationship?
My answer: Well heavens, no! It's something completely different. You can't look back and say I lied to you about being over my Ex's house if it's something that was never discussed.
However, what is that saying about the relationship if you're omitting information?
Pause: Look up the word relationship in the dictionary. Go ahead, look the shit up! Society and the majority would have you believe that a relationship includes the romantic involvement between two people. Yes, this is one of the definitions--not the only definition though. A relationship can be defined simply as a connection, an association, or an involvement with another person. Keep that in mind.
I agree that some people don't need all the information that is available. According to the definition, just because you are in a relationship with someone doesn't mean that there is an expectation of trust or anything else for that matter. Communication is key, but if you haven't even got to the point of really knowing how to communicate with an individual, you have to ask questions. This is the only way to make sure that you have all of the information that you need.
Ok, now think in terms of a romantic relationship whether it's established or building, and I come back to the same question. What does omitting information say about your integrity and the integrity of the relationship you're in or trying to create? Why can't you tell your partner the whole truth? Are you ashamed? Are you avoiding an argument? Are you scared?
While leaving out information in a conversation isn't considered lying in my book, the information can be just as detrimental when left out of important conversations.
For example: Your partner tells you that he was in jail, but what he fails to mention that he was someone's "boy" his entire stay in cell block 4325. He didn't lie, but that information is extremely important when trying to establish the terms of a relationship.
Pause: I watched a documentary on that shit the other day.
New Rule: I won't fuck with you if you've been to jail for longer than 3 days.
Now let me make this personal because this is what I do on MY blog.
#76 isn't the lying type. I knew that if I went to him with a question, no matter how personal, I would get a straight answer. I felt like I could do that--we had enough history and intercourse to warrant me asking anything that I wanted. The thing about that is I rarely ever asked questions. I, mistakenly, assumed that truth was equated with being forthcoming.
TELLING THE TRUTH IS NOT THE SAME THING AS BEING FORTHCOMING WITH INFORMATION!!! Do not confuse the two. I have never been the type to ask a whole bunch of questions. You can call me naive or trusting, I fully accept both of those terms. Fuck being cynical.
It would have been nice to know all of the things that I didn't ask before my feelings got involved. If you don't ask the right questions, you set yourself up to be led on. I admit to being so naive and wide open that I didn't want to ask questions. I just wanted to simmer in the relationship that I thought was cooking. Silly me! I had to go back and re-read some text messages just to make sure that I wasn't delusional.
Pause: Yes, I have become one of those women who will hold on to text messages and emails and other ammunition if need be. It was a gradual change. Documentation never used to be my thing. It's funny how some situations will change you.
In the case of #76, he attached the leash on me sometime in November and I just managed to break free a couple of months ago. I saw the light, and all the things that he was not disclosing. Facebook tells volumes, but I could've just asked. I thought I had earned the information, but I was dick-mitised amongst other things.
Here's my rule of thumb, especially when you are trying to get to know someone and establish the ground rules: Be forthcoming with the information. In fact, give me all pertinent information so that I can make the best educated decision. If you used to do porn for a living, don't be ashamed of it. Tell me, and maybe we can work something out.
Half truths come in handy, but I really don't condone it. They get in the way of communication.
Until next time.....
My answer: Well heavens, no! It's something completely different. You can't look back and say I lied to you about being over my Ex's house if it's something that was never discussed.
However, what is that saying about the relationship if you're omitting information?
Pause: Look up the word relationship in the dictionary. Go ahead, look the shit up! Society and the majority would have you believe that a relationship includes the romantic involvement between two people. Yes, this is one of the definitions--not the only definition though. A relationship can be defined simply as a connection, an association, or an involvement with another person. Keep that in mind.
I agree that some people don't need all the information that is available. According to the definition, just because you are in a relationship with someone doesn't mean that there is an expectation of trust or anything else for that matter. Communication is key, but if you haven't even got to the point of really knowing how to communicate with an individual, you have to ask questions. This is the only way to make sure that you have all of the information that you need.
Ok, now think in terms of a romantic relationship whether it's established or building, and I come back to the same question. What does omitting information say about your integrity and the integrity of the relationship you're in or trying to create? Why can't you tell your partner the whole truth? Are you ashamed? Are you avoiding an argument? Are you scared?
While leaving out information in a conversation isn't considered lying in my book, the information can be just as detrimental when left out of important conversations.
For example: Your partner tells you that he was in jail, but what he fails to mention that he was someone's "boy" his entire stay in cell block 4325. He didn't lie, but that information is extremely important when trying to establish the terms of a relationship.
Pause: I watched a documentary on that shit the other day.
New Rule: I won't fuck with you if you've been to jail for longer than 3 days.
Now let me make this personal because this is what I do on MY blog.
#76 isn't the lying type. I knew that if I went to him with a question, no matter how personal, I would get a straight answer. I felt like I could do that--we had enough history and intercourse to warrant me asking anything that I wanted. The thing about that is I rarely ever asked questions. I, mistakenly, assumed that truth was equated with being forthcoming.
TELLING THE TRUTH IS NOT THE SAME THING AS BEING FORTHCOMING WITH INFORMATION!!! Do not confuse the two. I have never been the type to ask a whole bunch of questions. You can call me naive or trusting, I fully accept both of those terms. Fuck being cynical.
It would have been nice to know all of the things that I didn't ask before my feelings got involved. If you don't ask the right questions, you set yourself up to be led on. I admit to being so naive and wide open that I didn't want to ask questions. I just wanted to simmer in the relationship that I thought was cooking. Silly me! I had to go back and re-read some text messages just to make sure that I wasn't delusional.
Pause: Yes, I have become one of those women who will hold on to text messages and emails and other ammunition if need be. It was a gradual change. Documentation never used to be my thing. It's funny how some situations will change you.
In the case of #76, he attached the leash on me sometime in November and I just managed to break free a couple of months ago. I saw the light, and all the things that he was not disclosing. Facebook tells volumes, but I could've just asked. I thought I had earned the information, but I was dick-mitised amongst other things.
Here's my rule of thumb, especially when you are trying to get to know someone and establish the ground rules: Be forthcoming with the information. In fact, give me all pertinent information so that I can make the best educated decision. If you used to do porn for a living, don't be ashamed of it. Tell me, and maybe we can work something out.
Half truths come in handy, but I really don't condone it. They get in the way of communication.
Until next time.....
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