Object of my love..
Love should be the perfect balance between subject and object.
"Not to throw the word around,
I just miss the sound."
--B. Lowery
Pause: Before I say another word, I want y'all to know that no where in this post will I give advice. I'm single--you would be a fool to take relationship advice from someone who doesn't succeed at relationships (#76 told me my relationship pitch was terrible). Instead, what I will give you is my take on the topic. Hopefully, this epiphany will help someone besides me.
Love is a word that gets thrown around way more than it's actually felt. Love isn't linear. You can't put it on a time line on love, it happens when it happens. It's cyclical; it starts in one place and never really ends. It's energy. It evolves and changes over time. If it's done right, it's so thick--it's tangible when you walk into the room.
There's two sides to loving someone, there's the objective side and there's the subjective side.
Pause: Remember, this is strictly my opinion, but I think you will find some of it to reign true no matter what the situation.
The objective side are the things that you would look for in a potential mate regardless of who the mate is. Everyone has a list--if you don't have a list, you might be setting yourself up for disaster. You need to know what you're looking for out here in the world, or at least what you aren't looking for.
He/she is great in bed (don't judge me for putting that first), a great cook (if you know me, you know how important this is to me), morally strong, family oriented, emotionally sound and available, sarcastic, and hilarious. (This really is most of my list. I left out the parts about being slightly kinky, tall and more than 250 pounds amongst other things. I figure you all know me by now.)
So let's say that this is my list in my entirety, and I find someone that embodies all the things that I want. Perfect. I love him, well, not really him. I love his attributes. Nothing wrong with loving the attributes, but this doesn't make the love for this man complete. This is only half the story.
You CAN only love a person either objectively or subjectively, but you break the circle somewhere.
The subjective side to love is the personal part. This is where you take an individual and fall for them for who they are. This is the part where you feel. He/she makes me feel beautiful, intelligent, artistic, giddy. He/she makes me want to be better. Giving to him/her doesn't feel like a loss, but a gain.
This is commonly called infatuation when the new car smell wears off.
Pause: Now think about this critically. You can have someone that embodies none of the characteristics that you desire in a man, but you can fall head over heels for this person. All your friends will say that he's not the one for you. He's nothing that you need in your life. And vice versa, you can find someone who is everything that you need in a mate, but have absolutely no passion for them. If you have strength of mind it may last, but chances are it won't.
Question it! Don't just let the words "I love you" ride, ask them how, why, and in what ways. Get to the bottom of how they feel before you let yourself go.
And on the flip side, really ask yourself how you feel about someone before you go blurting out those three deadly ass words. Remember, the person on the receiving end of the words may not be able to make the same distinction that you do, and Pandora's box isn't so easy to close after it's been opened.
Love someone with your heart and your common sense. Give it time to develop, and make sure it's reciprocated. Nurture it from day one and never give up. You can't fail.
Until the next time...
"Not to throw the word around,
I just miss the sound."
--B. Lowery
Pause: Before I say another word, I want y'all to know that no where in this post will I give advice. I'm single--you would be a fool to take relationship advice from someone who doesn't succeed at relationships (#76 told me my relationship pitch was terrible). Instead, what I will give you is my take on the topic. Hopefully, this epiphany will help someone besides me.
Love is a word that gets thrown around way more than it's actually felt. Love isn't linear. You can't put it on a time line on love, it happens when it happens. It's cyclical; it starts in one place and never really ends. It's energy. It evolves and changes over time. If it's done right, it's so thick--it's tangible when you walk into the room.
There's two sides to loving someone, there's the objective side and there's the subjective side.
Pause: Remember, this is strictly my opinion, but I think you will find some of it to reign true no matter what the situation.
The objective side are the things that you would look for in a potential mate regardless of who the mate is. Everyone has a list--if you don't have a list, you might be setting yourself up for disaster. You need to know what you're looking for out here in the world, or at least what you aren't looking for.
He/she is great in bed (don't judge me for putting that first), a great cook (if you know me, you know how important this is to me), morally strong, family oriented, emotionally sound and available, sarcastic, and hilarious. (This really is most of my list. I left out the parts about being slightly kinky, tall and more than 250 pounds amongst other things. I figure you all know me by now.)
So let's say that this is my list in my entirety, and I find someone that embodies all the things that I want. Perfect. I love him, well, not really him. I love his attributes. Nothing wrong with loving the attributes, but this doesn't make the love for this man complete. This is only half the story.
You CAN only love a person either objectively or subjectively, but you break the circle somewhere.
The subjective side to love is the personal part. This is where you take an individual and fall for them for who they are. This is the part where you feel. He/she makes me feel beautiful, intelligent, artistic, giddy. He/she makes me want to be better. Giving to him/her doesn't feel like a loss, but a gain.
This is commonly called infatuation when the new car smell wears off.
Pause: Now think about this critically. You can have someone that embodies none of the characteristics that you desire in a man, but you can fall head over heels for this person. All your friends will say that he's not the one for you. He's nothing that you need in your life. And vice versa, you can find someone who is everything that you need in a mate, but have absolutely no passion for them. If you have strength of mind it may last, but chances are it won't.
Question it! Don't just let the words "I love you" ride, ask them how, why, and in what ways. Get to the bottom of how they feel before you let yourself go.
And on the flip side, really ask yourself how you feel about someone before you go blurting out those three deadly ass words. Remember, the person on the receiving end of the words may not be able to make the same distinction that you do, and Pandora's box isn't so easy to close after it's been opened.
Love someone with your heart and your common sense. Give it time to develop, and make sure it's reciprocated. Nurture it from day one and never give up. You can't fail.
Until the next time...
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