Dating with kids I..the hating..
I've stayed away from this topic for a couple of reasons. Primarily, my children aren't involved in my dating very much. They almost never meet the men that I am dating/sleeping with. I mean, for what? Most of them don't last long enough for me to even mention them to the kids, let alone lay eyes on them.
Nonetheless, the children do exist, and honestly they complicate the situation. A relationship, a real one, comes with strings and attachments. I am the equivalent of a package deal. I don't have a problem with it, but I can see why and how men do.
That's not what I'm here to talk about today though.
I'm here to talk about the shenanigans that I have had to endure in my 5 years of singality and the bitchassedness that I have to endure with #29.
At the risk of sounding conceited, I was the best thing that ever happened to #29. He spent a lot of time trying to get me back.
Pause: I really don't give two flying fucks if I sound conceited.
I have mentioned before that we spent 7 looooong years together, stumbling around in a relationship. We both were terrible at it, and neither of us knew why or how to fix it.
The break up was emotional, dramatic, and the kids took it harder then we did at one point. It was as close as you could get to being married without vows and a ring.
Background information: I have 2 kids. My daughter is biologically his, my son is not. We began a courtship when I was pregnant. He was literally in my son's life almost at birth, and definitely by the time my son was 4 months old.
Draw your own conclusion (and I am very interested in hearing other's opinions on this), but as far as I was concerned, he was daddy. My son's sperm donor was inconsistent at best.
When we split, he made sure to "un-daddy" himself from my son. He didn't do it because he wanted to remove me from his life and have no other contact with me though. He did it because he didn't want me to date anyone else. #29 is a natural born hater.
He couldn't stand that fact that he couldn't have me, and others wanted me. He hated the fact that after we broke up, I had things to see and people to do. I was alone. He was lonely. Misery loves company. He wouldn't keep MY son any longer. In his words, "He wasn't babysitting."
I got over this, and shirked the anger a long time ago. This wouldn't be such an issue, except he still does this today. Couple that with disrespect, and he has pushed me to my limits. The most recent episode was this past Thursday while I was waiting to perform at a poetry show.
Here go this nigga, blowing my phone up because "he didn't agree to babysit all night" and "I could get my fuck on any time other than tonight."
Someone please go smack this bitch in the mouth!
I wish my life was as colorful as he thought it was, I wouldn't be so damn horny all the time.
I don't understand this though. I mean, what type of human being tries to prevent another human being from being an adult and enjoying themselves? Mommy is my first job, but not my only one.
I know there are many other hating ass men out there. Am I alone on this one? I don't like to talk about #29. I do believe in some privacy and discretion (don't laugh I'm serious); he is the father of my CHILDREN after all. Enough is enough. I'm not bashing; it's not my style (you still laughing?).
Someone help me out. How much longer does this go on? How do I make it stop? Will hooking him up with some fat chick work because I know a couple fat chicks?
Comment below!
Nonetheless, the children do exist, and honestly they complicate the situation. A relationship, a real one, comes with strings and attachments. I am the equivalent of a package deal. I don't have a problem with it, but I can see why and how men do.
That's not what I'm here to talk about today though.
I'm here to talk about the shenanigans that I have had to endure in my 5 years of singality and the bitchassedness that I have to endure with #29.
At the risk of sounding conceited, I was the best thing that ever happened to #29. He spent a lot of time trying to get me back.
Pause: I really don't give two flying fucks if I sound conceited.
I have mentioned before that we spent 7 looooong years together, stumbling around in a relationship. We both were terrible at it, and neither of us knew why or how to fix it.
The break up was emotional, dramatic, and the kids took it harder then we did at one point. It was as close as you could get to being married without vows and a ring.
Background information: I have 2 kids. My daughter is biologically his, my son is not. We began a courtship when I was pregnant. He was literally in my son's life almost at birth, and definitely by the time my son was 4 months old.
Draw your own conclusion (and I am very interested in hearing other's opinions on this), but as far as I was concerned, he was daddy. My son's sperm donor was inconsistent at best.
When we split, he made sure to "un-daddy" himself from my son. He didn't do it because he wanted to remove me from his life and have no other contact with me though. He did it because he didn't want me to date anyone else. #29 is a natural born hater.
He couldn't stand that fact that he couldn't have me, and others wanted me. He hated the fact that after we broke up, I had things to see and people to do. I was alone. He was lonely. Misery loves company. He wouldn't keep MY son any longer. In his words, "He wasn't babysitting."
I got over this, and shirked the anger a long time ago. This wouldn't be such an issue, except he still does this today. Couple that with disrespect, and he has pushed me to my limits. The most recent episode was this past Thursday while I was waiting to perform at a poetry show.
Here go this nigga, blowing my phone up because "he didn't agree to babysit all night" and "I could get my fuck on any time other than tonight."
Someone please go smack this bitch in the mouth!
I wish my life was as colorful as he thought it was, I wouldn't be so damn horny all the time.
I don't understand this though. I mean, what type of human being tries to prevent another human being from being an adult and enjoying themselves? Mommy is my first job, but not my only one.
I know there are many other hating ass men out there. Am I alone on this one? I don't like to talk about #29. I do believe in some privacy and discretion (don't laugh I'm serious); he is the father of my CHILDREN after all. Enough is enough. I'm not bashing; it's not my style (you still laughing?).
Someone help me out. How much longer does this go on? How do I make it stop? Will hooking him up with some fat chick work because I know a couple fat chicks?
Comment below!
No matter what you do, you have a child with him. He's never going anywhere. He's not leaving your life, so you have to deal with him...but not live with him. It's not your job to make him a man or mature. He needs to grow up obviously...but you hold all the cards. He only needs to know what's going on with your children...anything else, he can kick rocks.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly! But honestly when I tell him to kick rocks, that makes it worse. He's so dead-set on knowing what's going on in my life that he goes to extremes to make me mad so that he can find out. I'm so dead-set on not getting mad, that the situation continues to escalate. I won't compromise, he isn't a part of my life so it's not my job to appease him anymore. But do I do what he wants for my own sanity?
DeleteAllow HIM to be in your children's lives but do not allow him to run, ruin, or referee yours. What i mean is...simple, make him a non-fuckking-factor (nff). He won't "baby sit"? Fine, find someone who will. Take his power away and when you both realize that he IS an nff...what he does or says will agrivate and dictate your life a lot less and make him realize that either he can be a good father or be a dead beat but either way YOU are no longer moved. Remind him.on occasion that there will come a day when he will have to explain his actions to his kids...when.they will be old enough to comprehend and distinguish truth from bullshit. Its not your responsibility to FORCE him to be a better dad or man you just worry about being the.best MOM you can be and pray that he gets it together or that God sends a husband and/or great role model father figure for your children bc every kid needs a dad. We can't be both for everything its not in our dna. Love you boo. Hope that helps.
ReplyDeleteEasier said than done! I am not moved by what he says at all. The only reason I shave against the flow of the hair is because he is the ONLY lasting father figure in my son's life (for what he is worth). I need him to continue to be there because obviously my choice in men is sketchy and my retention is none. It's not a matter of enduring, it's more a matter of how much I endure for the sake of my child.
ReplyDelete