Crunch and Munch..
Crunch and munch was a term we used back in high school to refer to cunnilingus. It's funny how this applies today.
This is the story of #12, and how he tried to chew my clitoris off! I'm never too old for a lesson.
I always like to say something nice about the numbers because I wouldn't be talking to them if they didn't have some admirable qualities. For what it's worth, #12 was one of the sweetest guys that I have dated recently. He is valiant, courteous, and very respectable. He's sweet, thoughtful, and was very willing to give time. He buys flowers ladies, for no reason (awesome).
He will make someone extremely happy. As long as she doesn't like to kiss or receive oral sex.
This is another case of "the younger man," or at least some variation of it.
Pause: I will never learn. I really try not to make age an issue, but shit like this always happens. Age is about to become an issue.
New Rule: 30 and up only.
We went out a few times. Things were really cool and laid back, except we kept knocking teeth.
Pause: I may have mentioned before that I really love to kiss. It's one of my favorite intimate things to do. Disregard surroundings and just kiss, I don't care who watches.
I hate it when someone tries to eat my face. Why the fuck do you need to open your damn mouth so wide? I firmly believe that you basically learn to kiss from the very first "experiment" you have as a child.
Who the hell were you kissing #12? Fantasia?
That should have been it, but I am a very tolerant person (well to an extent). I mean I can't eliminate everyone based off little shit. I have to at least try.
So one day I go over to #12's place to chill and watch movies late at night.
Pause: Everyone should be laughing right now! Who the hell finishes a movie after 17 year old with someone of the opposite sex? The fact that it was after midnight when I got there should have spoken for itself. Even if I'm on my period, I'm doing something nasty when the lights go off.
I was drunk. So you already know what I was trying to do.
In hindsight, I think 2 things went terribly wrong after I arrived.
1. He basically challenged me. "We can do whatever you wanna do." (Oh can we?)
2. I accepted the challenged. (Don't threaten me with a good time).
Down. Hill. From. Here.
So we get to the bedroom and take off the garments. And he decides to give me some head...
Ok, so we all know that I love me some head, and I will rarely ever turn it down. I will NEVER turn it down, unless you have something growing from your lip. He was doing what he thought was right (he reads this blog). But it was, by far, some of the worst head I have ever gotten!
Pause: I discourage men that I date from reading the blog. They take things out of context.
New Rule: If you don't know how to kiss the public pair of lips, the private ones are off limits.
Teeth. All I felt were fucking teeth. And every time I tried to squirm away, more damn teeth. My vagina was sore for 4 days. Sherlock couldn't stop laughing.
Now let's add some insult to injury (literally). As soon as I decide that we are getting no where and I would take it from there.........limp noodle. Noooooooo! You mean I can't even get laid. I was naked, with a limp noodle, and I look pretty good naked.
I would usually give him a second shot, you know, the whole "Rule of 2" thing. But I decided my vagina couldn't take the risk. One shot and #12 was out.
Back to the drawing board.
This is the story of #12, and how he tried to chew my clitoris off! I'm never too old for a lesson.
I always like to say something nice about the numbers because I wouldn't be talking to them if they didn't have some admirable qualities. For what it's worth, #12 was one of the sweetest guys that I have dated recently. He is valiant, courteous, and very respectable. He's sweet, thoughtful, and was very willing to give time. He buys flowers ladies, for no reason (awesome).
He will make someone extremely happy. As long as she doesn't like to kiss or receive oral sex.
This is another case of "the younger man," or at least some variation of it.
Pause: I will never learn. I really try not to make age an issue, but shit like this always happens. Age is about to become an issue.
New Rule: 30 and up only.
We went out a few times. Things were really cool and laid back, except we kept knocking teeth.
Pause: I may have mentioned before that I really love to kiss. It's one of my favorite intimate things to do. Disregard surroundings and just kiss, I don't care who watches.
I hate it when someone tries to eat my face. Why the fuck do you need to open your damn mouth so wide? I firmly believe that you basically learn to kiss from the very first "experiment" you have as a child.
Who the hell were you kissing #12? Fantasia?
That should have been it, but I am a very tolerant person (well to an extent). I mean I can't eliminate everyone based off little shit. I have to at least try.
So one day I go over to #12's place to chill and watch movies late at night.
Pause: Everyone should be laughing right now! Who the hell finishes a movie after 17 year old with someone of the opposite sex? The fact that it was after midnight when I got there should have spoken for itself. Even if I'm on my period, I'm doing something nasty when the lights go off.
I was drunk. So you already know what I was trying to do.
In hindsight, I think 2 things went terribly wrong after I arrived.
1. He basically challenged me. "We can do whatever you wanna do." (Oh can we?)
2. I accepted the challenged. (Don't threaten me with a good time).
Down. Hill. From. Here.
So we get to the bedroom and take off the garments. And he decides to give me some head...
Ok, so we all know that I love me some head, and I will rarely ever turn it down. I will NEVER turn it down, unless you have something growing from your lip. He was doing what he thought was right (he reads this blog). But it was, by far, some of the worst head I have ever gotten!
Pause: I discourage men that I date from reading the blog. They take things out of context.
New Rule: If you don't know how to kiss the public pair of lips, the private ones are off limits.
Teeth. All I felt were fucking teeth. And every time I tried to squirm away, more damn teeth. My vagina was sore for 4 days. Sherlock couldn't stop laughing.
Now let's add some insult to injury (literally). As soon as I decide that we are getting no where and I would take it from there.........limp noodle. Noooooooo! You mean I can't even get laid. I was naked, with a limp noodle, and I look pretty good naked.
I would usually give him a second shot, you know, the whole "Rule of 2" thing. But I decided my vagina couldn't take the risk. One shot and #12 was out.
Back to the drawing board.
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