Dating with Children II..The truth..
I make every effort to not lie to my kids. I think that when it comes to dating, lies pour like vodka in my cup.
Pause: For those of you scoffing because I'm talking about vodka in the same sentence as my children at 930 in the morning, go to hell.
I don't like for my kids to know that I am dating unless it actually affects them--I can't think of too many situations where they will be or were actually affected. Unless I am moving in or bringing someone special around them, they don't need to know what I do when I leave the house at night or with whom I am doing it.
Even if they happen to catch me with someone that I am dating, I have enough male friends to disguise the fact that this is someone with whom I may be intimate. The word of the day is "friend." My daughter is oblivious; my son is a little more receptive to the chemistry between me and someone else. Remember this--it will be important.
Now I have dated some really terrible and, likewise, some really awesome men. When dating, I have a tendency to let the situation dictate itself. I don't like titles, and I rarely ever date with a set purpose. I can say with all honesty though, that if I am even thinking about becoming serious with someone they have to be a good father or father figure. I'm not looking for perfection because I am far from it. I am looking for someone who can easily and naturally interact with children.
Usually men with children can do this very well which is why I try to find men who have their own kids. If they don't have any kids, then a position or hobby where they interact with children regularly is just about the same.
I will admit that the last 3 gentlemen that I have put any effort into and who have made it past date 2 with me are ALL great with kids (maybe I'll do a compare and contrast blog--that sounds like something just ignorant enough for me to do it). The mix of overt testosterone and sensitivity toward children is extraordinarily sexy to me, like make me wanna cook you dinner and give you head while you eat it, sexy.
But before we can get to dinner and sexual favors, there is one important person that has to like you. My son. He's troubled, but extremely sensitive. This poor kid is in a house full of women. It's never hard for him to like these men because he's just happy to know that someone else has a penis in the bunch. This makes me even more leery though--at 10, he probably isn't the greatest judge of character.
Pause: With that said, #75 did meet my kids and both of my them couldn't stand his pussy ass, so sometimes they DO hit the nail on the head.
At times, I question my own judge of character.
When I do actually tell my kids that I am dating someone, I have to prepare for the interrogation. It's important that I know the answer to all their questions. It's important that the numbers know that getting along with my children are the equivalent of getting along with me. It needs a delicate balance between being an adult and being a big kid.
I always question how long to wait before someone should meet my children. I have tried it both ways--within 90 days (to see if the guy was even worth my time) and well over 6 months (because you have to be careful).
Pause: The only thing about dating that really scares me is getting serious.
Which is better? I don't know yet. I have been extremely unsuccessful in dating in case you haven't noticed.
I don't give advice, but I will say this. Don't introduce your children to the men you date until all parties are ready for 2 very important reasons:
1. Children can get attached as easily as adults, but don't let go as easily as we do.
2. My tattle-telling, snitching ass kids used to get me caught up all the time. That's why I learned to use the term "friend."
Pause: For those of you scoffing because I'm talking about vodka in the same sentence as my children at 930 in the morning, go to hell.
I don't like for my kids to know that I am dating unless it actually affects them--I can't think of too many situations where they will be or were actually affected. Unless I am moving in or bringing someone special around them, they don't need to know what I do when I leave the house at night or with whom I am doing it.
Even if they happen to catch me with someone that I am dating, I have enough male friends to disguise the fact that this is someone with whom I may be intimate. The word of the day is "friend." My daughter is oblivious; my son is a little more receptive to the chemistry between me and someone else. Remember this--it will be important.
Now I have dated some really terrible and, likewise, some really awesome men. When dating, I have a tendency to let the situation dictate itself. I don't like titles, and I rarely ever date with a set purpose. I can say with all honesty though, that if I am even thinking about becoming serious with someone they have to be a good father or father figure. I'm not looking for perfection because I am far from it. I am looking for someone who can easily and naturally interact with children.
Usually men with children can do this very well which is why I try to find men who have their own kids. If they don't have any kids, then a position or hobby where they interact with children regularly is just about the same.
I will admit that the last 3 gentlemen that I have put any effort into and who have made it past date 2 with me are ALL great with kids (maybe I'll do a compare and contrast blog--that sounds like something just ignorant enough for me to do it). The mix of overt testosterone and sensitivity toward children is extraordinarily sexy to me, like make me wanna cook you dinner and give you head while you eat it, sexy.
But before we can get to dinner and sexual favors, there is one important person that has to like you. My son. He's troubled, but extremely sensitive. This poor kid is in a house full of women. It's never hard for him to like these men because he's just happy to know that someone else has a penis in the bunch. This makes me even more leery though--at 10, he probably isn't the greatest judge of character.
Pause: With that said, #75 did meet my kids and both of my them couldn't stand his pussy ass, so sometimes they DO hit the nail on the head.
At times, I question my own judge of character.
When I do actually tell my kids that I am dating someone, I have to prepare for the interrogation. It's important that I know the answer to all their questions. It's important that the numbers know that getting along with my children are the equivalent of getting along with me. It needs a delicate balance between being an adult and being a big kid.
I always question how long to wait before someone should meet my children. I have tried it both ways--within 90 days (to see if the guy was even worth my time) and well over 6 months (because you have to be careful).
Pause: The only thing about dating that really scares me is getting serious.
Which is better? I don't know yet. I have been extremely unsuccessful in dating in case you haven't noticed.
I don't give advice, but I will say this. Don't introduce your children to the men you date until all parties are ready for 2 very important reasons:
1. Children can get attached as easily as adults, but don't let go as easily as we do.
2. My tattle-telling, snitching ass kids used to get me caught up all the time. That's why I learned to use the term "friend."
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