Picture Perfect..

I love pictures. 

I take them constantly whether they are professional or selfies in the bathroom mirror--any bathroom mirror really. 

I love to get pics, especially when I'm dating someone that I actually like, and we have to spend long amounts of time away from each other.  It's like a little reminder:  Hey, I look good and I want you to see me looking good. 

Pause:  With that said, I think it's extremely gay for a man to take a whole bunch of pics of yourself all damn day long for no damn reason.  I have IG (@missblondecurls), and I see y'all.  Fag--get a hobby, and get out of the damn mirror. 

Gentlemen, please PLEASE do not send me a picture of your penis!

I HATE DICK PICS!!!

If I haven't asked you for a picture of your black, not big enough, leaning heavily to the right, too big bell head penis, then don't fucking send it.  I don't want to see that shit.  If you run into a chick that actually does like penis shots and asks for them, imagine how many other penises she has in her phone. 

Pause:  Please remember that this blog refers to dating.  If you have a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, or very significant other and that's what y'all like to do.  Go for it.  Send your damn vaginal secretions through email for all I care.  As a single woman out here in the world, I don't want penis attached to a text message.  I want it attached to something tall, dark and handsome. 

Let me tell you guys what we do when we get your penis on the phone. 

We laugh------hard.  Look again, laugh again, and possibly show our friends.  #24, 42, 29, 82, 68, 72, and 49, many women have seen your penis because of me.  No one was much impressed (except maybe you #49).  You're welcome. 

If we don't laugh, we analyze.  I am the LAST person that you want to sit down on the black couch and psychoanalyze your penis.  I look for scars, scratches, bumps, moles, which way it leans, which way it curves (there's a difference), and any other distinguishing characteristics.  I will talk myself out of sleeping with you because the fun of the exploration has now been removed from the equation.  It's not going to be as much fun to rub, feel, look, and lick than if you would've just saved the pic to the archives and kept it pushing. 

One last thought for the ladies, like penises, vaginas are extremely ugly.  If he didn't ask you for a pic of you private area down there looking like roast beef, then just save it.  UGH!!

Today's public service announcement has been brought to you by the letter D.

Until next time...

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