Male Friends..

Moment of truth:  I have had some type of sexual or romantic relationship with the majority of my male friends.

It's true.  If they can't cut it romantically or sexually, they immediately go to the friend zone--do not pass go, do not collect $200.  But they only make it to the friend zone after I am thoroughly convinced that I no longer want to play with them.

Pause:  Admittedly these friendship don't last long.  "We can be friends," is really just a statement to keep the peace.  A politically correct way to say, "You are so fucking weird," or "Hey, you really suck in bed."

I didn't realize though that this was such an anomaly until recently.  I'm about to show my naivete again. 

So I sat around with a group of guys the other day talking about true friendships and those friendships that could be categorized as adult relationships.  I said, with full confidence, that I have several male friends. 

They all laughed. 

I was stunned.  We had just sat and discussed female/male relationships for 40 minutes.  It's possible, they said, to have friends of the opposite sex.  So why did they all disbelieve me?   They left out one important detail:  you have to be ugly to be able to truly have platonic male friends.  Ass ugly, no body at all, black as tar. 

Disclaimer:  This blog is written as a observation, and the blogger doesn't ascribe to the opinions expressed in the blog--well not necessarily.  I mean, they kind of had a point though. 

They said that I was too attractive to have real male friends.  They said that what I had were a bunch of guys around me that were too scared to ask me out, too weak to seal the deal, waiting for me to slip up, or praying that I had a moment of weakness and offered myself to them.  Having slept with most of them was worse because that made the desire tangible, palpable. 

I had never tried to see the other side.  I could only imagine my side of the story, and my resolve is strong.  No means no, and when I'm done, I'm done.  Men are weaker, more physical creatures. 

Disclaimer: This blog is written as an..............naw, that shit is real.  Men disregard heartache and annoyance more easily than women.  Pussy is pussy. 

I decided to test the theory, and I called one of my "guy friends" (#24).  I asked him if he would sleep with me again if the opportunity arose.  Without hesitation, he resounded yes.  He's always horny though.  He would lube up and stick it in a hole in the wall if he thought he could get one off that way.  I didn't want to be proved wrong so I didn't ask anyone else. 

Pause:  I'm not confrontational.  Don't judge me. 

Important lesson learned though.   Male friends, real male friends are those who don't now nor will ever want to sleep with you.  So my male friends will only consist of gay guys, guys who only date white chicks (and don't have this secret desire to "go slumming"), and guys who like bigger women with ass and titties because clearly I don't fit that description. 

I can live with that. 

Comments

  1. COZisBackFebruary 26, 2013 at 6:45 PM

    Agreed.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownFebruary 26, 2013 at 8:33 PM

    Makes sense...But what's wrong with boinking your male friends? I mean I understand if they totally suck or they are weird and you just don't enjoy boinking them .... But it sounds like a great relationship to me! No emotion, strictly sex, but still have someone to talk to on a friends basis when you want and not have to worry about bullcrap. Lol wam bam thank you man! But I do have a question for you.... Let's say your male friend told you they wouldn't want to boink you again.... Would you feel ugly or disrespected? I mean why wouldn't a male friend want to boink you? unless they were gay Lol
    I think it would be kind of fun to know that this dude totally wants me and its totally cool to know that if i get desperate i will have a friend to call on;) *I am a freak tho, what can I say, dont judge! lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. UnknownFebruary 27, 2013 at 2:59 PM

      Have you been reading?? I see nothing wrong with boinking your male friends as long as they are mature enough to handle "just sex". I wouldn't have a problem cutting any of them off at any given moment so I don't imagine that I would have a problem with any of them cutting me off, except for the immediate inconvenience of having to find someone to replace the empty spot. Finding mature adult relationships have proven to be difficult.
      Brittany, this is now and forever will be the "no judgement zone"!

      Delete

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